My Photo-Album

Trying to write an “Octain”

Swaying pages, book of account
come forth truths layered over time
unwrapping sketches, heart sublime

moments, forgot, could not keep count
images snare, joy fairly rare
as limitless impressions amount

beaming smile, story of lifetime
rests in pages, of book of account.

                                    (…..re-edited)

 
Try out the new poetic form “Octain” by Luke Prater. Find out more here.
 

53 thoughts on “My Photo-Album

    • It elaborated the constraint on last as first line with “as much as possible”. I exploited that. Thanks for your keen interest.

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  1. a story of lifetime resting in pages – that’s just beautiful – really like the topic – the octain needs a bit work though – let’s have a look – rhymes and refrains are really good – the meter is a bit unsteady..it should always have 8 syllables per line)

    Swaying pages, book of account (8 syllables – perfect in line 1 to 3)
    come forth truths layered over time
    unwrapping sketches, heart sublime

    moments dear, forgot, could not keep count (9 syllables – you could lose “dear” for example)
    images snare, throbbing today’s joy fair and square (10 syllables and middle rhyme should be on 4th syllable – you could make it: images snare, joy fair and square)
    as impressions emote in infinite amount (12 syllables)

    a beaming smile, story of lifetime (9 syllables – just lose the “a”)
    rests in pages, as I work the book of account.

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  2. Looks good with edit. Oh you spelled my name as ‘Luck’ rather than ‘Luke’. Mind changing it? Cheers (luck I’m not acquainted with.. who is he? 🙂

    Cheers for writing an Octain, and a good one at that

    Luke

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    • I don’t either. It’s just that someone made it, and that someone worked hard inventing it, that someone needs to be thanked, and that’s the way I chose.

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  3. I like the phrase ‘book of account’, it makes the photo album seem like the Judgement Day Book!
    Thanks for visiting me during Poetry Potluck.

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    • Thanks, I had to use photo-album as title, otherwise it would not have made any sense, as the title has not been used in the poem.

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